Yes, I Know

I weary of those who insist on coaching me through what it’s like to have complex PTSD, or just PTSD for that matter.  Yes, there are those who don’t believe there is a difference… but I digress.  I begin to shut down early when these diatribes begin.

Yes, I am fully aware that there will be triggers that throw me off balance.  Yes, I know that there will be times that I am slipping through time and nothing is important.  Yes, I know that I will struggle with dark thoughts.  Yes, I know that there will be moments I will struggle through every minute of the day.

I have been living with this for over fifty years.  I might just be able to shed some light on this for you, but no… you’re setting off enough triggers of mine by your insistence and non-stop talking.  Don’t you need a moment to catch your breath?  I know I do, and I haven’t said a word yet.

I don’t expect the world to understand me and what I go through each day.  I don’t expect anyone to fix me.  I don’t expect much from anyone actually.  Just a little consideration.  Accept me for who I am.  A little understanding thrown in from time to time.  But most importantly, the ability to be me and loved for my uniqueness and quirky talents.  For the most part, I am an outgoing individual who people enjoy being around, they talk to me, share and vent.  I am considered quite funny with a quick wit.  That is the girl I so want to be.  My struggle largely stays hidden, deep inside.

Yes, I know there are plenty of self-help books on the subject.  Yes, I know therapists have helped many people.  Yes, I know you have probably had great success with your list of “must dos”.

I appreciate your concern and believe me, if there was only an easy cure.  But I have found peace when I put pen to paper and lift the lens of a camera.  There will be bad days and good ones, just like everyone else.

“But you have PTSD!!”

Yes, I know…