She is searching
for a reason
… 3 simple dots
trailing one another
holding a place
for words she cannot bear
to speak, to write,
horrific battles locked inside
she voices what she
is able, progressing as she can
but the unveiling of
that which is too much
will stand as
3 simple dots…
pain set free.
to the gravity
of her reality.
I weary of those who insist on coaching me through what it’s like to have complex PTSD, or just PTSD for that matter. Yes, there are those who don’t believe there is a difference… but I digress. I begin to shut down early when these diatribes begin.
Yes, I am fully aware that there will be triggers that throw me off balance. Yes, I know that there will be times that I am slipping through time and nothing is important. Yes, I know that I will struggle with dark thoughts. Yes, I know that there will be moments I will struggle through every minute of the day.
I have been living with this for over fifty years. I might just be able to shed some light on this for you, but no… you’re setting off enough triggers of mine by your insistence and non-stop talking. Don’t you need a moment to catch your breath? I know I do, and I haven’t said a word yet.
I don’t expect the world to understand me and what I go through each day. I don’t expect anyone to fix me. I don’t expect much from anyone actually. Just a little consideration. Accept me for who I am. A little understanding thrown in from time to time. But most importantly, the ability to be me and loved for my uniqueness and quirky talents. For the most part, I am an outgoing individual who people enjoy being around, they talk to me, share and vent. I am considered quite funny with a quick wit. That is the girl I so want to be. My struggle largely stays hidden, deep inside.
Yes, I know there are plenty of self-help books on the subject. Yes, I know therapists have helped many people. Yes, I know you have probably had great success with your list of “must dos”.
I appreciate your concern and believe me, if there was only an easy cure. But I have found peace when I put pen to paper and lift the lens of a camera. There will be bad days and good ones, just like everyone else.
“But you have PTSD!!”
Yes, I know…
My favorite wedding… they are who they are with no apologies. Two of the most straight forward, honest, loving and giving people I know.
I adore that.
Shortness of Breadth
a resource for moving poetry
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Never get lost in the Sauce
Author of The Heirloom & The Mysterious Bakery On Rue De Paris
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a blog that combines food & poetry mixed with vlogging
Musings on poetry, language, perception, numbers, food, and anything else that slips through the cracks.
"Let's enter into a magical world where colours form rainbow, darkness shines light and a door opens eyes."